One week since the call

Today is exactly one week since the call that a heart was available. The change in Danny's appearance is absolutely amazing since surgery! His color looks so good that Maggie told him she thinks he's secretly using tanning spray when no one is looking!! :) I put my ear to his chest and was absolutely blown away at how big and strong his new heart beat is. Praise God for amazing healthcare…the average life span of a heart transplant is 12 years and just a couple of years ago it was 6 years. That 12 year number doesn't settle well with me. Danny's only 38, so 12 years is 50 and that's pretty young still!! We met a couple recently in the lab (it's amazing how many LVAD and transplant patients you routinely see in the local lab!! It's like the corner coffee shop for sick people. lol) and the man has had his new heart for 17 years so that's pretty encouraging. I've had other people tell me wonderful stories of heart transplant patients who have lived much longer than the "average"…so that's what we are trusting the Lord for. That being said, I want it written down in case I have to reference my own words one day that I believe and trust that God's timing for our last breath is the perfect timing and Danny's last breath on Earth (whenever that is many years from now) will be his next breath in Heaven…and no matter how sad that feels to those of us left on Earth…it's still cause for celebration! Enough of that….

Tomorrow Danny is scheduled for a heart cath and a biopsy. I assume they can get the biopsy at the same time as they do the heart cath because I know the cath goes through the carotid all the way down to his heart. A 2 in 1 procedure!! The biopsy is checking for any signs of his body rejecting his new heart and the cath is checking on how the heart is doing. Assuming both of those tests are fine, he should be discharged from the hospital either Friday or Monday (the never discharge heart patients over the weekend). After discharge we are required to stay in New Orleans within 30 minutes of hospital for 6-8 weeks. Ochsner has some apartments reserved for transplant patients but they are currently full. There is a hotel connected to this hospital that we will stay in since the apartments are full. The apartments are much cheaper than the hotel, but we will be able to stay in the hotel for the same rate since the apartments are full. That's a blessing because we would have to bring linens, kitchen stuff, etc… to the apartment and I didn't want to have to deal with that.

I'm just so amazed at his progress. He is in so much pain that is completely understandable, but he doesn't let him stop him. When PT or OT come in, he just does what they say without complaint. You can see the pain in his face, but he doesn't quit. I'm so proud of him!! I'm so proud of how hard he is working to get stronger and better so he can get back to life!! 

They've increased the doses of his anti-rejection meds. I didn't know that anti-rejection meds are steroid based but it makes sense. Every day and throughout the days they change dosages of the steroids based on labs and they are continually adding other stuff. Today they added some sort of medicine to prevent some type of eye disease. I can imagine the frustration of some that I don't know exactly what all the meds are treating…but I'm telling you there are a lot of medicines going into his body and I can't possibly keep track of them all.

Danny is not looking forward to the heart cath and biopsy tomorrow…he's sick and tired of being poked and prodded, but good test results tomorrow will result in his last IV coming out. yaaaaaay!!! He has one chest tube left and as soon as it stops collecting fluid (more than 150 cc in 24 hrs) it will come out. Then a shower won't be far behind. He's going to be soooo excited about that shower! 

I keep thinking about how the medicines do weird things to his sleep. I wonder if a sleep mask would help him with lights bothering him and I'm also wondering if one of those sound machines that play water/wind/etc…would help. Do men ever wear eye masks and listen to soothing sounds during sleep or is that only a girlie thing?? Can I overcome the nighttime medicine-induced "hallucinations" with an eye mask and sound machine? hhhmmmm…Maybe a little lavender scent for relaxation!!! Sounds delightful to me!

The cafeteria people don't do a great job of giving the patients what they ask for. The patients get a menu each day on which they are supposed to circle what they want for the next day. Rarely is it correct. It's strange. But today was just hilarious and worth a picture! 

That's all that was on his tray for lunch. They forgot the entree!! Danny did a double-take and wanted to know where I hid his food. It was pretty funny. Good think his appetite isn't back to normal yet and a side salad and jello was enough! 

Danny could totally be a commercial for a Sonicare toothbrush. He loves it and can easily brush his teeth even right after open heart surgery because the toothbrush does all the work! It has a timer and makes a little sound or vibration variation when it's time to move to the next area of teeth and gums to clean. When he first got the toothbrush, he made the kids stand next to him and brush their teeth next to him and they couldn't stop until his automatically shut off. It was pretty funny…both kids think Sonicare is pretty hard core. Good stuff. I hope they're excited when we get them their own. If they use it as directed I bet they sure won't have any oral hygiene issues!

Together Again

It's Sunday (12/22)...Danny had the transplant early Tuesday (12/17) morning. I got a sinus infection and had to stay in Baton Rouge on Thursday...so we are both so happy that I'm well again and back in New Orleans. 

Today he has one chest tube in and one IV...yaaay!! He still has the leads in for the external defibrillator...but hopefully those will come out soon too. We don't want him to need a defib!

Danny says he's seen every kind of doctor possible...and though I'm sure I can think of a few types he probably hasn't seen, I know they are trying to cover all their areas of potential concern. A transplant patient is at high risk for contracting illnesses and diseases because of their suppressed immune system. The amount of steroids Danny is like what steroid addicts dream of (according to the nurses). Last night it appears that the vein his IV was in blew out because his wrist and hand is super swollen and the bruising is pretty significant. The nurse quickly moved the IV to his other wrist. 

Swelling has already gone down a lot...but still pretty puffy!

The side-effects of that much steroid use are many, but one that Danny is noticing already is bizarre dreams that might be considered hallucinations. For example...Danny says every night he thinks the urinal next to his bed is our dog Snowball and he talks to him. The nurse comes in and checks to see what's going on with Snow when he hears Danny start talking! I'm excited to hear about his crazy dreams now that I can stay with him through the night. 

One of his nurses has told him two times now that he is the reason why doctors and nurses come to work...a patient who does what he is told, works hard, and is pleasant to work with. What a wonderful compliment!! 

He made a lap all the way around the circle of the transplant unit today and is definitely in the bed resting now!! He was told today that a shower won't be too far in his future. I know that's going to feel so great as he hasn't had one since his LVAD was put in on 9/5/13. 

Danny is being trained to take (some of) his medicines...ones that he will take for the rest of his life that can cost around $3000/month. Prayerfully our insurance will cover the bulk of that! Anyway, the meds he is learning to take right now are in a locked black box. The medicines are separated by type into ziplock bags and there is a printed out form with a table of times and doses. They are having to change the doses of many of the medicines constantly as they see how his body is responding. Apparently every person reacts to the anti-rejection medicines in different ways. The constant is that these medicine cause significant mood issues. We are told Danny will feel fine one moment and the next have a complete meltdown...I bet there are some sympathetic women out there!! Over time his body will become used to the medicines and the emotional stuff will settle down. As far as a steroids go, right now his body isn't liking the steroids and it is trying to fight back. The solution to that is increase the doses of the anti-rejection medicines. The nurse described it as they are having to bully his body into submission by steadily increasing the doses of the meds until his body submits. Pretty wild and still just unbelievable. I mean seriously...I know for sure that clearly God knows that Danny and I can handle this because He is allowing us to walk through it. I know that because the Bible says it's true and I believe the words in the Bible. But if I stop and think about what is really happening to my husband I feel like I'm having some kind of out of body experience. Sometimes I hear people say that I'm strong or brave or something and I'm no so sure. I think we can just chalk all that up to the Holy Spirit that lives inside of God's children. I'm just me. Tricia. 38 years old. Brand new teacher of 1st graders. Wife of 18 years. Mom of 2 great kids. Sister. Daughter. Aunt. All of those things are completely believable and I can handle. This whole heart failure, LVAD, and now transplant thing is still just unbelievable. I can't even think of a better word. I'm not angry and not necessarily scared. I know that God loves us and wants what is best for us. I know that our days are numbered and I know what our eternity holds...so I don't live my life in fear and I don't think Danny does either. Sometimes I feel numb and other times I want to crawl into a ball and cry. Mostly, I just enjoy taking care of Danny in whatever capacity that looks like. I love teaching, but I think I would have loved nursing even more. 

Sometimes I get messages through facebook from people I've never met, but who have been following the blog. I've also heard from friends of mine about people they know who are following Danny's story through the blog and they feel connected to us and are faithfully praying. I just want you to know that we appreciate you and are so humbled by your faithfulness to pray for us. It's definitely the most important thing we need and God has been and I know will continue to be faithful to meet our needs. It just touches my heart to know that there are people that we don't know personally who care enough to pray. Thank you!!! 

These are only the meds that Danny is pulling right now. The nurses are pulling all of the other ones still. They train a few at a time to try not to overwhelm the patients and/or caregivers. 

Danny's locked medicine box

The meds and card with medicine schedule

Tuesday Danny is scheduled to have a heart biopsy done, which is similar to a heart cath. Not very pleasant but also not the worst he's been through. They are looking for possible signs of rejection. 

Day 5

Danny is in the transplant step down unit and is recovering well. That doesn't in any way lessen the pain he's in however. He told me his nurse today likened his pain to six gun shot wounds in a straight line across his abdomen (one hole where the LVAD exit line was and five chest tube holes from the transplant surgery). That doesn't even deal with the incision going from his neck straight down to his belly button area, and cutting through lots of muscle and even more scar tissue. Geez...I whine when I have a smashed toe!!! 

The nurses are training Danny on how to take his meds. I haven't been at the hospital with him since he's been doing that (stuck in BR with a sinus infection), so I'm excited to learn also. 

After surgery at some point they point an external defibrillator and pacemaker on him and took that off today. They were supposed to take the central line out of his neck today and I think he only has one more chest tube left in. His mom reminded me that one week ago today his parents and sister were listening to the hum of his LVAD with a stethoscope and today he has a real beating heart!! That's awesome...in the truest sense of the word. 

Sister listening to LVAD one week ago

one week later, a real beating heart!!

Danny told me that the nurse in the ICU gave misinformation and I'm glad. He can eat raw fruits and veggies, they just all have to be washed very carefully to clean off any bacteria or pesticides. 

I'm so excited to be able to go to the hospital and stay with him tomorrow. I will have to wear a mask if I feel any symptoms returning. He has to wear a mask if he ventures outside of his hospital room...not that he's wanting to venture anywhere right now!! 

Thanks for praying...we know many people are and it is through the strength of the Lord that we are able to deal with all of this so keep the prayers coming!!

moved to step down unit!

Very sadly I caught a terrible sinus infection and decided it was best for Danny if I stayed in Baton Rouge until I felt better. I have been home Thursday (transplant day 3) and Friday (day 4) and it is soooo hard to be away from him. I do understand that he is well-taken care of by the staff at Ochsner, but I miss him and I miss caring for him. He is also more relaxed when I'm there. However, we both agree that he cannot be around potentially contagious people with a suppressed immune system. I'm on some pretty good meds now so I anticipate being back at the hospital with him Sunday. Yesterday (Thursday--day 3), three of the chest tubes were removed, leaving two. His incisional chest pain is excruciating and is worse than the LVAD post surgery pain. This is because more of his muscles were cut and a large amount of fresh scar tissue was cut out. Since it has only been a couple of months since he had the LAVD implanted, the scar tissue hadn't begun to soften yet. Other than that pain, Danny is doing really well. His kidney is still in failure, but the number the doctors watch for that is steadily decreasing...which is a good thing. 

His parents and sister drive down after work in time to see him for the late shift... and I am really grateful they are going everyday since I cant be there.

Day 4 (Friday)

Today Danny was moved to the TSU, (transplant stepdown unit). They took another chest tube out, which leaves him with only one...That's great! He is tired and still misses me. He still in a great deal of pain, but that's to be expected. His mom said he loves feeling his heart beat!! 

He can't eat raw fruits or veggies because of the potential bacteria he could encounter. That's going to be sad...hopefully that's just for a time and then we could just wash everything really well. But of course, whatever we need to do to take care of him we will gladly do!!

I'm told his color looks better...he was a little pale and maybe yellow. 

I've got to get together the things we will need when he is discharged from Ochsner but we still have to be in New Orleans at an apartment two blocks away or the attached hotel. The social worker told me the apartments are currently full so she has us on the waiting list. If they are still full, we would stay in the hotel for the apartment rate. The apartments are basically furnished.  Two queen beds and we bring all linens. We bring all cooking supplies. There's a couch and table..but no utensils or anything other than basic furniture. The hotel is just a regular hotel room. It has a microwave and a small frig I think. 

This is the step down room. His mom just texted me and said they are training him to take his medicines. That's intimidating because with the LVAD he had 18 bottles lined up on the counter...and no training (just discharge instructions). What in the world will it be like if training is necessary??

From those two pictures, it looks like he shaved today. The OT and PT ladies are really nice and really pushy!! He realized a long time ago that it's easier to just do what they say quickly so they go away happy than to try to argue or complain...He does all sorts of hand therapy to regain finger dexterity since he's a software developer. But even simple things like putting on pants and brushing teeth are difficult for a person who recently underwent open heart surgery... 
Watching Danny try to eat soup is downright funny. His hands shake so much all the soup is gone before he gets the spoon in his mouth!! Hopefully the terrible shaking is better with a real heart rather than a mechanical one. 

I'm so excited to see him Sunday!! Please pray that my congestion is completely gone tomorrow so I can have my one day congestion free before I go back to New Orleans. 

NEW HEART DAY ONE!

Danny came through surgery great!  As he woke up, still intubated and a bit confused, he was gesturing trying to ask if surgery had happened.  We couldn't figure out what he was trying to say so we gave him a pen and he wrote the word "stitch" on it... it took 4 college educated people to figure out that he was asking if they put a new heart in. The look of joy on his face was amazing but he went straight to patting the side of the bed and we new he was looking for his constant companion of the past 3 months, the LVAD controller and batteries.  When we told him it was gone he looked even happier and then he patted his chest, feeling for the bulge and tenderness of the defibrillator that has lived in his chest. "Gone!"  At that point, he did the ICU happy dance!  It's a little different from his usual happy dance, but can I tell you it was precious to see!!! 

 

 

I'm not sure if this video will work...If not I will get someone to help me make it work because it really is worth seeing!! He's gotta be the only person on a ventilator trying to dance!!!

 

He was still on the vent for a while more awake than what seemed appropriate. His nurse fought for him and called the doctor several times to tell him Danny either needed to be extubated or sedated. Thankfully, when the docs were satisfied with lab values, they extubated him.  With barely a whisper he called and spoke to the kids saying, "Maggie, I love you; Charlie, I love you".  Then he whispered to me, "I love you Trish".  I told him I loved him and he said, "No, I really love you."  I told him I really loved him too, then he said, "NO!  I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY NEW HEART!"  That's when I burst into tears...Then He teared up a bit and asked how he could thank God for this blessing when words are not adequate. I reminded him that God already knows what's in his heart!! One day I hope we are given the opportunity to thank the donor family. Organ donation is a priceless gift!!

This is a picture of Danny before and after transplant.

That's some serious contemplation going on. I don't remember if I already wrote about this but the time leading up to transplant time was strange. I was sitting with him and we were both pretty quiet. We talked some and prayed but mostly just help hands. I was feeling like I was in a prison movie with a death row scene...like Dead Man Walking. The inmate is sitting there watching the clock tick slowly by and the people around him doing the things on the checklist that must be done before the big moment. That's what it felt like--not that I felt strongly that he was going to die...just the severity of removing a vital organ and putting in a different one. There was no way I was going to share my feelings about death row with Danny because it didn't seem encouraging or really appropriate in any way. But get this...The nurse came back in and Danny said, "You want to hear something strange? I think I feel similar to how an inmate must feel in his last minutes on death row." I was shocked and said "No way!!! That's what I was feeling too!!!!" 

Weird coincidence isn't it??!!

 

Day 2

 

Danny was in the chair all day. He was absolutely exhausted and in severe pain...to be expected. The surgeon said Danny still had a LOT of scar tissue from the LVAD implantation. It takes a couple of months for scar tissue to start to soften after it's formed, but Danny didn't have the LVAD long enough for the scar tissue to soften (Praise God!!) So, cutting through and taking out that scar tissue was difficult (according to the surgeon) and he knew it was going to hurt. I know that Danny feels like the added pain of excessive scar tissue is worth getting his new heart sooner than later!

 

When he had the LVAD put in, the recovery was difficult and painful...and he was severely anxious and depressed also. This time, the recovery will be difficult and painful but he is just so joyful! It's truly miraculous to watch the whole thing. God is so good!

 

 

With his LVAD Danny had 2 chest tubes postop (the chest tube allows the excess blood to drain out of the chest cavity). With this surgery he has 5 chest tubes. It's really unbelievable looking. It's clear rubber tubing, probably an inch in diameter coming out of his abdomen. They stick up into his chest cavity and drain out into measurable containers that sit on the floor.

 

 

 

Danny was relieved to get back into bed at the end of the day. He was completely exhausted and praying for some good sleep. Sadly, I'm not allowed to stay in the ICU with him overnight after transplant (I was after LVAD), so I won't know until the morning!!

 

Thank you for your continued prayers. We have a long road ahead of us...but it will be filled with joy and thanks and love!!!

 

 

 

 





 



 

Transplant Day

Wow...the day is here and even though I'm sitting here in the hospital, I still can't believe it. Danny got the call from Ochsner about 3:30 Monday afternoon and jumped in the car and headed toward New Orleans. His family and I followed him a little later. 

Danny was put in an ICU bed/room to wait for the heart to arrive and surgery to begin. His transplant is more complicated than regular ones because he has the mechanical heart pump (LVAD) attached to his. The pump must be removed before the transplant process can begin. 

The nurse told us that the surgery was scheduled to start between 11:30--midnight. She said the pre-op stuff would start at 9:45. He had an enema, a sterile bath, and brushed his teeth. Then he laid back down and continued to wait. I was thinking that it felt like I was in a prison movie about "dead man walking" on death row. Just sitting there thinking, praying, contemplating, last minute talks/information feels very strange. I didn't dare mention my "dead man walking" feeling to Danny because that just doesn't seem very comforting and encouraging but the unbelievable happened!!! He asked the nurse if she wanted to hear something weird and then went on to tell her how he felt like he was an inmate on death row forced to face a countdown and the very serious issues related to that. I still can't believe that we were feeling the same thing!!!!

The pre-pre-op procedures in the room went fine and then three doctors came to whisk him away. He was trembling and I hated to leave him. 

The surgery will last at least 6 hours. He will recover in the ICU for a week or two and then go to the transplant step down unit for a week or two. Lastly we will go to an apartment or hotel near the hospital for about 6-8 weeks while he recovers at a safe (meaning close!!!) distance from the hospital. 

Maggie and Charlie will go to school because they both start mid-terms tomorrow (today). We can't forget to pray for them because this is suuuuper hard on them. 

Maggie turned 14 in September shortly after Danny had the LVAD placed. We had her birthday party at Ochsner so Danny could attend. Get this... Charlie's 12th birthday is on Wednesday (12/18) and if we have a party it will be here at Ochsner's just like Mags. I bet not many families can boast of that accomplishment!!

Gonna try to get a little sleep. It's 2:52 am now...

O geez. I thought I posted before I fell asleep but I didn't. Now its 5:57 am, Danny's still in surgery, and this waiting room is filled with people who just got here and appear to be sleepy. Hhhhmmmm...I"ve been sitting here all night! 

When he had the LVAD put in, Danny had 2 chest tubes (a drain tube that sticks down into his chest cavity through a hole in his abdomen and drains blood or other fluid out into a measurable container. We were told he will have between 5-7 drain tubes for this surgery. Those aren't comfortable! 

I will update again when I have news from a doctor.

Exhaustion

It's been a while since I last posted...the words that quickly to mind when I think about our current lives are exhaustion, unbelievable, and survival mode. This blog was created to keep those interested/concerned about Danny updated so I want to try to keep focused on him. However, I've recently realized that the reality of Danny being in end-stage heart failure & being kept alive by a mechanical pump does not feel like the most stressful thing in my life right now. I'm ashamed to even admit that because clearly there is something seriously wrong or unhealthy about that. All that to say, to keep the transparency in my thoughts/feelings flowing in this blog, I really have to write about me also. I'll start with Danny. He's been home for almost 2 months now and has had ups and downs. It's hard to remember how his energy level was compared to now but I'm pretty sure it has increased. He is still completely exhausted by the end of the day. Usually he plugs himself into the wall and goes to bed by 8:00 at the latest. It never fails that he needs some water, chocolate pudding, his phone, etc...after he's already plugged in and can't get that stuff for himself. he doesn't use a bell, but it's pretty close. We went to the LVAD support group at the hospital in November and I discovered that all of the LVAD patients get really tired by night and go to bed early. It's a good thing they all have a care giver to take care these nighttime needs!!

Though his doctors cleared him to return to work (because he's a software developer and therefore sits at a desk), Danny's work hasn't let him return. It's a little hard to understand because the typical employer would want their employee at work ASAP. Danny's company is amazing in that they genuinely care about him and want his health to be the priority. They do not want him to overdo it and are just overall worried. All of the emergency responders in our home area have been trained on how to care for an LVAD, and Danny's work wanted the EMS by the office trained as well. On my fearful days, I worry that maybe they won't ever allow his to return to work, but that's not true. They really care about him and their kindness and support has been overwhelming because it's so much more than a typical company would do I think. They bring us food, visit the hospital in New Orleans when Danny is admitted, do laundry for us (I know---it's amazing!! One of Danny's coworkers lives near us and is the one who drops off food or whatever the office sends. When she was here one day she saw the laundry piled up and took it home with her. How do you express gratitude adequately for something like that? I don't even know her well)

On a routine basis Danny's cord gets stuck on the corner of the bed or cedar chest when he gets up to use the bathroom through the night. It makes him feel crazy for his lifeline to be stuck. He doesn't have an actual panic attack...but I could see him going that far if we were not able to get him unstuck quickly.

His driveline exit site looks good. It's really cool how his skin has begun growing onto the cord thereby making it water-resistant at some point. (that's when he will be cleared to take a shower--with a "shower bag" for his computer and batteries and "saran wrap" (according to the nurse...I'm not sure if she was serious about that or not) wrapped around his abdomen covering and sealing in the exit site). Bacteria going into that hole would have a direct line to his heart which could be fatal.

The last couple of weeks he has urinated blood, coughed up blood, and had many bloody noses. Apparently these are rare, but possible side effects of an LVAD. I think Danny has had every unusual issue an LVAD patient could have.

Today the transplant coordinator from Ochsner called and asked permission to move Danny to 1A status rather than 1B. Remember he was 1A prior to the LVAD at which point he dropped to 1B. Someone with end stage heart failure is more stable with an LVAD than the heart failure patient with no LVAD...hence the drop to 1B. Apparently even though Danny is 1B with the LVAD he has 30 days he will be moved up to 1A. The lady called to say now is a good time to put him on 1A. I didn't ask but I'm guessing right now is his best chance for getting a heart because holiday time is upon us with lots of drunk drivers. That's such a sad, hard reality. We were told he is on high alert and to definitely have our phones on and close by at all times. The good news is that I don't really have to wrestle with the conflicting feelings associated with being a heart recipient. God already knows Danny's future and has promised that His plans are for Danny's good, not disaster. It's important to remember (should God's plan for Danny differ from our plans for him) that physical death and eternal life counts as good...not disaster!

I'm back at work until transplant. I started teaching (elementary) last school year in November so that makes this my second semester teaching. It's so hard! You would think that 1st grade material would be pretty easy...but that's not always the case! The paperwork associated with teaching is more that I could have ever imagined. I'm completely bogged down with paperwork and data that most of the time I feel like I've spent more time doing that stuff (no direct impact on students) than I spend developing effective lessons (100% direct impact on students). I routinely work 15-20 hour days and even then I  feel ill-prepared. It's frustrating and disheartening to have a mental picture of what a person or situation should look like, but consistently fall short of that standard.

A couple of days ago I spent some time crying on the phone with my mom. Sometimes a good cry is so therapeutic! She asked me if I felt more stress from Danny's heart failure or my job. As unbelievable as it is, I feel like it's the work. I tell myself that can't be true because that clearly represents misplaced priorities, but I think it's true. The last time Danny was admitted I remember not being happy with myself because I felt physically more relaxed than I do at home. I'm not even going to try to analyze all that but I can easily say that I think something is definitely wrong with me!)

On a positive note, my administration at school is amazing. I can't imagine a more supportive environment short of working for Danny's mom...which sadly I'm not allowed to do since she's the principal at her school.

It's pretty awesome that both of our employers are so wonderful! God's timing is also awesome! This week has been exceptionally difficult for me--stress, work, lack of sleep, the list could go on...Several old friends, who I don't talk with regularly, have contacted me because I've been on their heart so much lately and they've been praying for me. Only God can have people reach out to each other with such perfect timing!!! When I feel like I'm drowning it's nice to hear (I know, but it's still nice to hear) that people care.

When I slow down a bit, I consider the very real possibility that Danny's chest could be re-opened, his heart cut out, and a donor heart put in. To be very honest, all of that makes me feel ill. I just can't even imagine how he feels. The stress here is a little unbelievable. This morning a one point we were all four yelling (it's all OK now). I'm so sad that the kids have to experience this type of stress in their lifetime. Prayerfully they learn God's faithfulness, peace, and joy through times of pain. It's one thing to read about God's faithfulness in the Bible but an entirely different thing to learn is through personal experience. Those are good lessons that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Thanks for praying and loving us!